14 Valentine’s Day gifts that you’ll want to use in bed

If you clicked into this gift guide expecting a spicy selection of salacious items, you’re about to be disappointed. This is a guide for people who want to spend their Valentine’s Day in bed scrolling, snacking, or just plain rotting. While the big Valentine’s Day agenda tries to push lacey undergarments and overly suggestive sweets, we’re offering up the best way to scroll TikTok while lying totally still. So, if you plan to spend this V-day making the most of the best spot in your home, these are the gifts worth giving or getting. Or, go check out our list of the best sex toys and find what you expected in the first place.

Lamicall Phone Holder Bed Gooseneck Mount

Your phone makes a phenomenal partner in bed, but finding a comfortable position to doomscroll can be tricky. If you’re like me, you’ve dropped your phone on your face more than once because you dozed off while looking at Reels. This adjustable mount offers an adjustable gooseneck that will hold steady in just about any position. The integrated clamp can hold any modern smartphone, even if you have a monstrous model like the iPhone 15 Pro Max. Plus, it simply clamps to a desk, nightstand, or bedframe, so it’s easy to install or move around without damaging your walls or furniture. — Stan Horaczek

SOFAMIRI Auto Clicker for iPhone TIK Tok Remote Control

Once your phone is mounted in the perfect spot, you don’t want to have to keep poking it to go to the next video or turn the page on your Kindle. This ring-style device connects to your smartphone via Bluetooth and allows you to swipe through TikToks and Reels or move through the pages of a book at the simple click of a button. It also offers media controls, so you can start a stop romantic music should you choose to celebrate Valentine’s the old-fashioned way (by listening to Jimmy Buffett and eating a cheeseburger in your bedroom paradise). — Stan Horaczek

Philips SmartSleep Connected Sleep and Wake-Up Light

You could add LED strips around your room to bathe the place in sensuous red light. Or you could get this advanced sleep system to achieve good vibes all year round. This oddly suggestive-looking alarm clock provides color-changing light that can simulate sunrise or sunset depending on whether you’re trying to wake up or get to bed. It has a number of programmable modes and alarm settings to ensure you’re not jolted out of a pleasant dream in which Miley Cyrus or Harry Styles (or whatever celebrity you prefer) agrees to be your Valentine. — Stan Horaczek

Parachute Brushed Cotton Sheet Set

Frustratingly, scientists haven’t figured out hover beds just yet, so we have to make the most of our boring old mattresses. These brushed cotton sheets took top honors in our list of the best sheets for their phenomenal feel and easy care. They’re slightly warmer than typical cotton sheets, ideal for cold February days. Maybe get a couple of pairs since you’ll probably need to change them on the 15th (because of all the Oreo crumbs). — Stan Horaczek

Quility Weighted Blanket for Adults – 20 LB

The science isn’t totally settled on weighted blankets, but experts still regularly suggest them in order to trigger the brain-based benefits of deep pressure. This model won best overall in our buying guide of the best weighted blankets. It’s relatively affordable, easy to clean, and offers a solid 20 pounds of weight. There’s something very comforting about a heavy blanket smushing you back into bed, and this is a great way to achieve that. — Stan Horaczek

JMLHMXC Bamboo Laptop Desk Bed Tray Table

Sure, you could spend $200 at a crowded restaurant full of arguing couples in uncomfortable clothing. Or, you could fire up a batch of Trader Joe’s Orange Chicken and eat it in bed with no fear of spilling, thanks to this sturdy tray. The 27.95” x 13.78” surface is split into three areas. The middle section offers five different angles, so it works with a book, a laptop, or a big plate of spaghetti. Flatten the whole thing out and use it to paint your 3-D printed miniatures with your partner in bed. What could be more romantic than applying a skimcoat to a space marine? Nothing, that’s what. — Stan Horaczek

Yogasleep Dohm

Everyone knows that “Careless Whisper” has one of the most romantic arrangements of all time (it’s pure sax-ual tension), but once it sinks in that the time for romance is over, you want white noise to lull you to sleep. This mechanical white noise machine is the standard for its simple design, relatively affordable price, and its fan-based mechanism. Digital white noise machines can struggle with making truly random sounds, which can trick your brain into hearing weird things, including voices. Nothing kills a romantic evening like your brain hallucinating demon voices because you cheaped out on your sound machine. — Stan Horaczek

Loop Quiet Earplugs

Maybe you don’t want to hear white noise while you sleep. Maybe you don’t want to hear anything. That’s where the Loop Quiet Earplugs come in. These suggestive-looking plugs come with four different tip sizes to perfectly match your ear holes. Once firmly inserted, they reduced incoming noise by up to 26 decibels. They come in nine different colors and are easy to clean once you’re done wearing them in bed. Now, let’s all take a moment to be proud of my ability to resist making even a single filthy pun during this write-up. — Stan Horaczek

BrüMate Uncork’d XL MÜV – 100% Leak-Proof 14oz Insulated Wine Tumbler

Whether you’re sharing an expensive bottle of bubbly or downing a few glasses of box wine by yourself, you don’t want to spill in your bed. This 14-ounce insulated tumbler comes with a tight-fitting lid that promises 100-percent leak protection. That means if you doze off during your Sleepless in Seattle/You’ve Got Mail doubleheader, you won’t wake up in a puddle of anything that isn’t tears. — Stan Horaczek

Welfut Memory Foam Pillow-Couple Pillow Breathable Arm Rest

The 1995 movie Mallrats hasn’t exactly aged well, but the uncomfortable metaphor about spooning delivered by Jason Lee still applies. Sure, cuddling is great, but if you’re the big spoon, you have to figure out where to shove that bottom arm. This pillow creates a solid tunnel that supports your partner’s head without putting pressure on your shoulder or bicep. Grab one, cuddle up with your partner, and watch a movie while you snuggle. You probably shouldn’t choose Mallrats. — Stan Horaczek

Hatch Restore 2 Sunrise Alarm Clock

Nothing says “Romance!” like waking up with your partner’s iPhone alarm … and then consequently hearing them hit “snooze” at least seven times. Choose peace—and waking up with a sunrise—with the Hatch Restore 2. It comes with plenty of light options, soundscapes, alarm tones that aren’t annoying, and even bedtime stories to make waking up and winding down a team effort. The TikTok girls are right about this one. — Amanda Reed

XGIMI HORIZON Ultra 4K Laser Projector

If you’re going to veg out in bed all day, a projector is the ultimate way to bring the movie date experience to your home. This model from XGIMI is luxe, but it’ll provide entertainment long after the Valentine’s Day season is over. Its resolution is 4K, guaranteeing excellent picture quality from streaming services. It has built-in speakers that sound surprisingly good. And it runs Google TV, so you can run all your favorite apps and watch videos right from the projector. — Brandt Ranj

Homesick Candles

Homesick’s candles are an easy way to add some pleasant ambiance to your room, and they come in an assortment of fun names and scents. We’re recommending The Hunny Tree, a candle inspired by the literary classic Winnie the Pooh, which features notes of honeysuckle, cotton, oakwood, and more. Homesick says the candle has a burn time of between 60 and 80 hours, so it can reasonably last a month or more, depending on how long you keep it lit. — Brandt Ranj

Nintendo Switch

Want to put your relationship to the test? Try playing a few rounds of Mario Kart with your partner and see if you’re still talking by the end of it. The Nintendo Switch (or even more visually stimulating Switch OLED) is the ultimate multiplayer gaming machine because it comes with a pair of Joy-Con controllers, so two players can hop into a game from the moment it’s booted up. It doesn’t hurt that the system can be used portable in addition to being plugged into a TV, so you can play a few rounds in bed if you don’t have a screen (or the projector recommended above) in the bedroom. — Brandt Ranj